Wednesday, April 16, 2014

I guess that means its time for a recap...

I apologize...

I should really stop saying that...I say it too much.. But really, for those of you that are actually reading this (if there are any)...I am sorry for the laspe of time that often goes between my posts.

So I guess that means its time for a recap!

The last time I posted, it was 20 days til I turned 20. Well that day has come and gone!

I am no longer a teenager. I am a 20 year old adult! ...Not really...but we can pretend right?!

Anyways.. 20 doesn't feel any different, but I still feel that same about all of the opportunities and experiences that go along with being in your 20's. Some of which has kind of happened...

I graduated from college last week!!! WHAT?!?!

Ya I'm super stoked aobut it! For those of you just joining in or for those of you that don't remember.. I went to LDS Business College. I got my AS in Integrated Studies with a Certificate in Executive Assisting. It was a long, crazy two years, but man alive was it worth it! I have changed so much since then.. I have come closer to finding out who I really am, I know that I am capable of soooo much more than I thought I was, I have met and become friends with so many amazing people... I seriously wouldn't trade my experiences and knowledge for the world!!

.....But..with that being said...I have to add..I am SOO glad to be done with school (for now)!! I was getting pretty tired of the homework, essays, group projects, textbooks, teachers, etc. I am very excited for a break!

(For those of you who are freaking out about someone stopping their education, especially after an Associate's...Do not fear! I am planning on going back to school next fall and working towards my Bachelor's!)

So ya...that happened..

What else...

Oh ya...So I have previously talked about my dating life.. or the lack of it in some cases.. Well in this last time of absence I have somewhat gone through an actual relationship! GASP!!! WHAT?!?! I know, crazy right?! But alas it did happen...

Here are the details..Well the condensed version..I could probably super easily talk about this for hours and hours and hours, but let's be one needs to hear that!

So he...Let's call him "Guy"..ya know to give him some sort of dignity...

Anyway..Guy was in one of my classes. I thought he was cute when the semester started, but super introverted me wasn't going to start anything! Well one day in class we were in the same group for a class discussion thing and we started a little bit of a debate between each other. It was kinda cool actually.. It was my "huh.." moment.

TANGENT!! Let me explain this whole "huh.." moment thing.. So for those of you that are married or are in a relationship--romantic or friendship--there is that moment when you actually notice that other person; when they finally grab hold of your brain. It is that moment when you start to think about them differently--whether romantically or friendship. From that point on, they mean something, you pay attention to them more, you think about them more... Make sense? End of tangent!

So after that moment, class, day, whatever, we began to talk more in class. We would sit by each other. We would walk to our next classes together...Ya know things like that.

One day, I really wasn't feeling going to my next class after the one that we had together. It was Physical geography... and the teacher is really nice...but oh man was he SOOOO BORING!! Like I pretty much always fell asleep in that class! I have no idea how I managed an A- in the class!!

Anyway.. I really wasn't feeling it and we were standing down the hall from my class talking. Guy was like, "Well you could always come get food with me now instead of going to class..." I was totally down! Then out of nowhere my teacher comes out of the classroom (class had started about 10 minutes prior) and was like, "Megan, are you coming to class?" UGH!!! It's college man! Back off!! So ya I ended up going to class... :P

During class, I get a text... It's from Guy! I had totally forgotten that he had my number from a group project/service project that we had to do. So he texted me totally teasing me about getting caught and having to go to class. Anyway, he ends up asking me out! Super exciting stuff!!! So we go out that weekend and from that point (a few days after my beginning of March) up until about 2 weeks ago (the beginning of April) things were AMAZING!!! Like we would hang out/go out every time I didn't have work (he was the one that always instigated hanging out again..."When do I get to see you again?" or "When do we get to do this again?" All him...not me.)(it was 10 hang outs/dates--I checked my calendar--in 3 weeks..PLUS all the times we saw each other in class!!), we texted all the time, and it was all amazing and sweet and I was totally on cloud 9!!

And then it all changed. Figures right?!

Well Guy is from Canada. And at the end of March, he went to Canada for the weekend. And everything was fine. He texted me every time he stopped on the way up. (It's a 12 hour drive and it was raining/snowing and I was all nervous.) And we texted the whole time he was up there. Then on the Monday he drove home, I got nothing. He didn't text me until about 1 in the afternoon, well after he had crossed the border. Then from then on, he hardly texted me. There was a good hour or two or sometimes three in between each text. He was able to hang out. He was just really distant. At first I thought I was being paranoid. But when I really thought about it, I wasn't! We went from EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME with texting and hanging out and seeing eachother to what felt like a huge screeching halt! I even tried to talk to him aobut it and he totally blew it off and changed the subject really fast.

Well..It got a little better last week. We hung out and he came to the dinner after my graduation (not my graduation...just keep it in mind..). But now that school is over...It's even worse than before. He doesn't text me at all! When I text him first.. It is the same thing where there are huge gaps in between texts and/or he just won't text back at all...I honestly have no idea what is going on at all!

Now some thing to add in...He is going back to Canada for the summer at the end of the month. I knew that from pretty early on. But we said we'd figure that out when it came along because we agreed to be up front and honest with each other. Well it is here..but there is no talking...about anything.

I'm frustrated and confused and mad and sad and honestly have no idea what to do. I'm super torn. Some of the time I just want to be like, "Well forget you!" and completely just walk away. Then other times I want to make this work; I want to fight for what I care about and know is there. I don't want to give up on someone that made so happy just two weeks ago.

But I'm also tired of fighting to keep something alive when the other person is not interested. I want someone that wants to be with me. Someone that is willing to fight to keep me. Someone that texts me first because they are so excited to talk to me. Someone that wants to go out becaus they love to be with me. Someone that wants everyone to know they are with me and that they can't believe they have me...What Guy used to be like...

UGH. This week has kinda super sucked. If you have any advice..please leave a comment! It would be much appreciated!

Sorry.. That was a little longer than I was expecting...HA! But there you have it... My life since turning 20!

Now, since school is over.. I think that I will have more time to get on here and express the thoughts and things that are bouncing around my crazy head more often! YAY!! Then hopefully it will turn into a habit and I will be posting if not everyday, at least three times a week!

Here's to hoping!!

Til next time


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