I'm a bloody drowning shark...

This Friday marks two weeks since I graduated from college...

I have to be honest. I have never felt more lost or that I was living such a meaningless life than I have in these last two weeks.

I know that sounds super over dramatic and kind of ridiculous, but it is true.

My whole life up to this point has had some sort of point. Some goal to pursue. Something to do. School. That's what it's been. School. A job to pay for school. Two jobs to pay for school. Working and school. Busy. Busy. Busy. And then..it was just done. I graduated. 

Now what? Start my career..right? Well I've been looking and applying for jobs and...nothing. I know that it takes time and I should be patient and keep on keeping on...but reality isn't always as great as you were expecting it to be.

So what do I have to do... I have a part time job as a cashier. And I have an internship that I go to twice a week for 4 hours. I usually finish everything in the first hour and a half. The rest of my time is spent trying to distract myself from the fact that I am ridiculously lost and that I really have no life. (aka Netflix)

I feel like my whole life just kind of stopped and now I'm floating in this weird limbo/twilight zone place.

I'm 20. I have the whole world and endless possibilities available to me. But I have no idea where to go or what to do next. 

I want to have meaning in my life. I want to make a difference. I want to be known for doing something..anything. I want a purpose. I need a purpose. 

I'm like a shark. As long as I'm swimming, I'm fine. The second I stop swimming, I drown and die. 

I haven't been swimming for two weeks now.

Something had better happen soon or I'm gonna end up doing something stupid in an attempt to make something happen.

So ya.. That's how things are now. I'm a bloody drowning shark. Yup. that pretty much sums it up right now.

Sorry for being dramatic. I just had to get it out there. It's kind of been festering in my mind for the last bit..two weeks..

Maybe I'll go on a hike...

Anyway..Til next time!

-MJ